Enjoying the run

I think the runs have been a reflection on what God was teaching me each year. Last year, every bit of the way was difficult... and I was frustrated with the lack of distance markers, frustrated with the long distance I still had to go. Looking back at the last blog post of 2007, I really did mention that I couldn't wait to get out of the tough times, even though on hindsight I did treasure them. This year, over all, while it was still difficult, I enjoyed the process of running so much, that in spite of the longer distance, I felt that I could still go on after it ended (and I did!)... enjoyed it so much that the week after the run, I dreamed of it with fondness as I dozed off during lecture (in much the same way as one dreams of a particularly happy vacation after it has ended and the dreariness of school comes crashing down upon him). So I really learned to enjoy the process it seems.

This year was one of losing my vision of myself, people, situations and the future, but of gaining my vision of Jesus. At so many points of time, in so many situations, I couldn't see what was ahead. But I learned to look upon Him. Most importantly, in the midst of this "lostness", I have learned to be content and happy with God... He is my Lot and my Inheritance. He is enough. I guess it's really as Psalm 23 says... the Lord is my shepherd. I really do not need to know the path ahead, because He leads and guides me. I have no fear that I will fall off the ledge or stray, because He puts forth His staff and steers this bumbling sheep back into the fold.

For the past 2 years, I would blog about my impression of the coming year. It was mostly right... this year WAS a year of upheavals outwardly, and much change. But amazingly and incredibly, it was one of being stilled inside... peace amidst the storm, like Jesus slept in the boat while the storm raged outside. But I guess for this year, it's not so much an impression about it that I wanna blog about as opposed to a decision... a decision to trust in His promise. I will choose to trust that I will enjoy next year with Him...

Now on to the yearly lists...

Events
- Harvest Rally, unexpected things & lessons learnt from it
    > Liked it that WT, Chris, Evan & I connected on a spiritual point
- Sat in an ambulance & watch people die (E-med)
- Settling down at All Saints' Church English
- Kz Trip (missed Sundown!)
- GoForth Missions Conference
- God grew my heart for the persecuted church.
- Delivered a baby.
- Global recession and many spiritual & personal implications
- Medicine-Science merge reversed
- I'm mostly healed of constipation! And I've lost some weight in spite of eating till full quite a lot of the time. Thanks God!
- YP asked me to back-up sing. Yay!
- God made up for Sundown.
- MyHope Singapore party.

Spiritual Encounters & People
- Philip Huan's word for me
- Getting to know the new MMR - Celine & Ray
- Much precious time with Mon & Chris
- Speaking to Catherine, missions mentor at GoForth Missions Conference
    > God's answer on settling down in All Saints'
- Paeds: Suhui & anorexia, Ariel
- Tracy, Cherm
- New SM: Joanne
- Prayer session with Ann Bowman
- YK telling me that she was praying for me... even crying on occasion
- Things in the family have improved... I really love them & love spending time with them!
- My DG girls are really growing. Differently, and not as expected, but surely.
- ZZ coming in to Medical.
- Benita for just being there.
- LB, for so much of God's faithfulness and love coming through her

Lessons
- Discipleship is very personal... not a cookie-cutter process of raising disciples, but very different journeys with each. Much of the time taken is simply spent listening to God telling me more about each person.
- Love is not just about showing love... what is seen should be just the tip of the iceberg if it's to be of any substance. Oh I don't know how to explain... but mainly, God gave me a sense of this lesson as I wrapped presents.
- When God puts you as shepherd over this flock, other speakers or "Reverends" who have nothing to do with this flock (eg. from another organisation) do not have more authority over this flock than you do.
- Over many quarrels and bad moods, I have grown very sick of my "flesh" indeed. I think God has grown my love somewhat from my hate of being self-absorbed.
- Prayer is really the most important thing about any meeting... not planning... no matter how important planning seems to be at the moment!! Really, really!

Ok, that's not at all comprehensive, but it'll have to do... better than nothing. I hope to also get down to writing out prayer requests and resolutions for the new year, whether here or in my journal.

Side note
Although I've thought many times that I don't want to practise medicine after I graduate, I am really glad that He's put me here. I've thought of many possible reasons why I had to study in medicine and nowhere else... one of them is that few other courses besides medicine would have put me through the tremendous pressure of so many voices competing for my attention and so many 'priorities' competing for my time. And together with all the ministry changes, it was one of the most efficient ways to put me through the roughest patch I could imagine, short of a loved one dying or being shipped off to some war-torn country. And what better way to learn rest and trust than in the midst of a most strenuous period, demanding much concentration and hard work for the immediate and with many difficult issues clouding the long term view. In the midst of the most stressful periods, I learned to rest... and I really rested and was at peace. God showed me this through O&G... to my surprise!

Psalm 23
The LORD is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD
Forever.